listen to this while u read pls
I have run out of words with which to talk about ghosts; the disembodied human, inhabiting a shell that does not belong to itself. the body thief etc etc.
i would like to write this reacting to Hito Steyerl's performance/lecture as fiction.
i have no more hot takes left, sorry readers.
She was born in a hot summer. She was born in the wrong country too, her mother was on holiday when that Icelandic volcano erupted in like 2011 and all the flights were grounded. I’m not sure how that worked, i know you’re not meant to fly in your 3rd trimester so the logistics never really checked out for me, but i never really got around to asking her about that specific backstory. But i do know she could pronounce the volcano’s long Icelandic name perfectly; consonants and all.
I hadn’t known her for too long before we actually became friends. You know when you know someone almost immediately? like u find within them a soul that you feel like you’re know for so so long and everything’s just effortless? i don’t really know what kinship means. Feels too old for me to grasp. But if it means what i think it means, i think that’s what we had. two souls who held hands.
I haven’t seen her in a while now. Last time I did, she was moving South for the summer. One evening in April
the block of flats she lived in had disappeared; and as she was coming home from work she turned the corner and was met with a hole 300 meters wide and endlessly deep. she DMed me on Twitter in a panic, asking if she could stay at mine and when she came over she was crying, like…. ugly crying, face swollen from tears, lips puffy a whole entire wreck; all because her cat was sleeping when she left for work, and she didn’t know where he was, if he got out ok, if he’d even gone to uni that day at all. he wasn’t answering his phone, she didn’t think too much about the texts going unanswered because she just assumed he was making dinner, but when she saw the hole she assumed the worst.
Long story short, Gareth was fine, he left 2 hours before the sinking started; he had the morning off and his first class was at 2pm; but luckily he left at 12 so he could go for lunch with his mate from his sixth form college. Apparently his phone ran out of battery, as they tend to. She was furious though. When he arrived at my house she snatched his iPhone ~/~ and she lobbed it out the window (luckily it was insured). But when i went to go find it, it wasn’t anywhere to be found. Don’t get me wrong, my garden is tarmacked, like everyone else. i’m not a pervert or a radical, it’s used to be all paving but me and my boy had it redone in the summer of 2035. Nothing’s grown here let alone overgrown. But when I went out the back door; the garden was empty. No phone, no nothing.
I never gave it much thought; her building had just disappeared along with all of her belongings; i have priorities i’m not a monster. but i mean. Now, with hindsight i should have seen it. She stayed with me for 5 weeks before we started annoying each other unbearably. We might be kindred spirits, but she left her towel folded on the edge of the bathtub every day and i’d have to pick it up and put it on the circle dryer every single day. And when i confronted her about it, she cried because she didn’t have her own house to perform her own quirks in anymore. So I let the annoyance build until one day I accidentally on purpose sent an email reminding her about my problem with it to our entire shared friendlist. Turns out, no one knew she couldn’t afford a circle dryer except me. Well how was I to know, I haven’t had a psychic chip since they were recalled in 2033, FFS!
The last weekend i spent with her at my house, we went to the aquarium centre. I felt so bad i payed for hers and Gareth’s entry chips. We watched the Boxfish swimming in formation; they played Beyonce for their lil syncronised show. It was a really sweet day, actually! Now i’m thinking back, reminding myself of it, it was like a dreamy dream. So nicely paced. When the Dolphins came out to start their show we were 3 bags into our rice wine stash (our official favourite was fresh, but low-key i preferred dew-drop. i just knew she preferred fresh and i didn’t mind it so much so we always had fresh flavoured until it became our thing) Gareth never really drank so it was only us two. Such a nice day! cloudy eyed watching the dolphins twirling and twisting in the large starry tanks! It was such a dream!
But yeah, she went down south in June. Her parents had a house down there in the archipelagos; a lil glass cabin, all floor to ceiling windows and sliding doors. I’d only been once, but I took so many pictures my dropbox feed hit the post limit and i was suspended for a whole 3 circad-E-an cycles. She moved down in June, i think went to stay with her parents till she found a place of her own. Or maybe she just stayed living with her folks. I know she was the only one left out of all her older sisters. All the younger ones were married, she was the last left and i know her dad vaped well into his 90s so he had a carbon polymer lung.
It’s so sad. It’s been almost 6 years now. I keep sending things; my Skype texts aren’t delivered, my snapchats aren’t opened. Every gif i send goes unanswered, they aren’t even delivered!! i don’t know what’s going on. I applied to the central station and registered myself with an official seeking profile; but it’s been nearly 5 months since that. They really are much quicker normally. I don’t know where she went; i’ve tried everything now. I can’t believe she just disappeared.