The White Pube

October 7, 2017

the marathon men ask: how do i think of myself as a network?

how do I make decisions about the health of my network?

how do I see the world as a single system?

i first saw my network in Universal Studios Singapore. I was riding on the Transformers 3D indoor rollercoaster;; inserted into a flight simulator and being thrown between the IMAX screens of Mission City. it was amazing because we were transferred from body and motion inside the cinematic image, but as per the nature of a rollercoaster it was fassssst and ur stomach dropped and adrenaline prepared u for flight and fight simultaneously. i felt network stretched across my environmental processing but felt it in my fingers, gripping onto the bar in front of me.

I went to Disneyland Paris the following year and Space Mountain had a similar full-network effect.

Go big or go home ;

through the Serpentine Marathon today there has been lots of talk about the brain: as central computer, as place to dig for answers: cybernetics. A few days ago I watched The Superorgasm documentary on 4od in the middle of the night, in which they invited people with clitorises who could superorgasm (multiple, back to back, up to 60 at a time) to masturbate while they were hooked up to brain tracker things, and at one time in an MRI machine with the person’s head locked into position for the scan. You could see the tracking waves of pleasure come and come and come, it was cool afffff. I thought i don’t know HOW they can even come with these doctors watching, but part of being able to superorgasm means orgasming more easily anyway. it was teleological body fun;;; they were optimistic conclusions.

But thinking about the health of my own network in that way doesn’t feel as optimistic or forgiving. My eyesight is pretty poor and my body is anxious, just incredibly reactive to stresses I can’t even identify. gods and monsters in my interactions, lana del rey in the sheets. can I reprogramme so my body is calm? can I become a witch or computer doctor to overpower what is happening? Does it need to be a dramatic coup d’etat, or should i subtly medicate until I can cope? like when you walk into a web across a path in the dark, the little marks i make on the world reverberate into my sister’s, my boyfriend’s, my art partner’s networks. I’m not in complete control of my network. We go through other people like a shower existing behind translucent glass. get damp n change. get steamy.

i refuse to see the world as a single system until I am allowed to relax within it. or the system is against me (obviously it probably is hierarchal) (but it just feels so tangibly solipsistic, like OOO-tangible, watching pupils dilate, bursting ear drums, tearing an achilles heel). The body convulsing in the MRI machine is in heaven. I don’t think I’m there yet.